


Did You Just Rickroll Zarkon?

by aloejazz



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Galaxy Garrison, Galra Empire, Gen, Kidnapping, Memes, Mind Control, Torture, pidge is a memelord, rickroll, spicy memes, the academic study of memes, the green lion runs on spite, the spiciest memes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-25
Updated: 2017-06-25
Packaged: 2018-11-19 02:21:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11303748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aloejazz/pseuds/aloejazz
Summary: When is Pidge is taken prisoner, the Galra see her as the key to understanding how Voltron exactly works. Pidge fights back against the druids' mind probes in an unconventional way.





	Did You Just Rickroll Zarkon?

**Author's Note:**

> Couldn't stop thinking about this scenario. So here it is.

Coran's voice rang through the comms. "Well done, but let's not pull anything like that again. A few ticks would have meant--kablooey!--the end of Voltron."

"We understand," Shiro pinched the bridge of his nose. "Team, let's regroup."

Coran moved into attendance-mode. "So Number 1 is accounted for. Number 2?"

Hunk cleared his throat. "Queasy, but okay."

"Number 3?"

"All good," Lance drew out the words in a singsong way.

"Number 4?"

Keith grumbled incoherently, then answered, "Present."

"Number 5?"

Nothing.

"Pidge, you hear us?"

"Come in, Pidge."

Still nothing.

"Allura?" Shiro's voice wavered.

"I'm running a diagnostic. The Green Lion isn't damaged, but I'm not receiving any data on Pidge's vitals. This is concerning." A few clicks echoed on the comms. "Paladins, return to the castleship. I'll guide the Green Lion back with a tractor beam."

"Roger that."

//

"Open up, buttercup." Back in the castle, Lance knocked on the Green Lion's particle barrier.

Shiro looked to his lion. "Black, Green needs to open up for us. Can you talk to her?"

Green's particle barrier dissipated, and her jaw opened wide.

"Thanks, buddy."

Shiro took off his helmet and stepped inside Green. He braced his shoulders back.

"Pidge?"

The pilot's chair was empty.

"Deja vu..."

A hand on Shiro's shoulder. Hunk.

Keith threw up his hands. "So we get you back, and now someone else goes missing?"

"You don't think she's, like, also trapped in a pocket dimension in her own mind?"

"No, Lance."

Shiro opened his mouth to say something--to be the leader they needed, but no words came out.

"We will find her." Allura glided into the Green Lion, poised. "I will make sure of it."

//

Ugh. Something was burrowing in Pidge's back, and it was not pleasant. And her hands were--tied? She opened her eyes and twisted to see what was behind her. A pipe. She was chained to a pipe. A purple glow seeped into her cell. Galra.

The cell door opened. "Ah, good. You're functional." A Galra guard went for her handcuffs, disconnecting them from the pipe. He held the chain--and Pidge--up with one paw.

Pidge lunged, swinging, trying to break away from his grip. "How the hell--?"

"Engineer-to-enginner, let me give you a little advice. When you're experimenting with phasing, know that it goes both ways."

Pidge squinted. "How could you have even known I installed the phasing upgrade? I never even used it."

The Galra laughed. "Oh, I like these primitive ones. But you are a prodigy for an organism from that backwoods planet. Zarkon has plans for you."

"Was it the energy signature?"

"Adorable." The guard dragged Pidge out of the cell.

"Shit, it was the energy signature."

//

Coran's fingers flew across the data pad. "Found something!"

Shiro leapt up. "What is it?"

"An energy signature from ship attempting to phase. It follows the Galra's path of retreat."

Hunk stared at the screen. "Pidge was working on a phasing upgrade...but she never got it to work."

Allura scoffed. "They must have been able to activate it remotely. Coran, calculate the Galra's current location."

"Quiznak."

"What is it?"

"Well I have their location. But. The crystals need to recharge before we can schedule two back-to-back jumps."

"How long?"

"About a varga."

"Quiznak."

//

Bright lights shone into Pidge's face. She groaned. When had she blacked out? She felt a trickle of something red and warm down her face and went to reach it, only to find that her arms--and legs--were bound to a table.

"We've been trying to get a hold of you for a while, Green Paladin." Haggar's skeletal hands grasped Pidge's face. Pidge spat at her.

"You don't know who you're dealing with."

"I'm afraid we do." Haggar tapped Pidge in the center of her forehead. "Green Paladin. Pidge. _Katie_."

"My team will find me, and you will regret digging around in my head."

"Well, that's the thing. We can only gain so much 'digging around' when you're unconscious. So, I have a proposition."

"I won't talk."

"Think about it. Give us your knowledge of Voltron, and we will return you and your family to Earth."

Too good to be true. It's a trap, she thought. It's a trap. And then she started laughing. Her favorite elective at the Garrison would save the day. A joke from a past time--a meme--a silly-looking alien that, it turns out, looks nothing like the aliens she meets on a daily basis. Admiral Ackbar.

"I told you not to alter her limbic system yet!" Haggar sneered at another druid.

"I didn't! This is all her!"

"Hm, the small, quick ones do have a tendency to crack under pressure." Haggar turned to leave the room. "Think about it. Think about your father and brother. I'll be back."

A searing pain shot through Pidge's shoulder. She grimaced, fighting back a scream.

"But first, a warning of what will come if you do not comply." Haggar called out to the other druids. "Keep her restrained."

//

"Twenty ticks..."

Hunk shifted his weight from one foot to the other.

"Ten..."

Allura's hands hovered over the castleship's controls.

"Five...four...three...two...one..."

"Initiating jump."

//

Bright lights still bored into her, and Pidge wondered if she could even see. But her hearing still worked, and she heard the telltale swish of a Galra door.

Haggar cackled. "So?"

Pidge took in a deep breath and attempted to slow her racing heart. She had to give them no indication that she was lying--and no reason to probe her against her will.

"You'll bring us back to Earth, unharmed?"

"Yes."

"I'll--I'll tell you what I know. I'll show you. Schematics. And a tonal key. Get Zarkon. He'll want to see--and hear--this."

"Excellent." Haggar connected a wire to the nape of Pidge's neck. "Druids, a lesson. The information is always clearest when it isn't forced. Now, alert the Emperor."

Pidge held her breath. The Galra door swished again, and she could hear Zarkon's labored breaths.

"The screen is connected to her mind's eye. We are ready."

"Make it good, Paladin."

"Oh, I will." And then a smirk. Pidge closed her eyes, and focused on the images and sounds. A torrent of synth drum beats poured from her head into the torture chamber.

An image of a faded cathedral window. And then, a redhead dancing in front of a microphone. Rick Astley.

Zarkon's voice boomed. "Why is there music? What is the meaning of this?"

The redhead in a different outfit now, dancing in front of a brick wall.

"What is the meaning of this?"

The music blasted from hidden speakers. " _We're no strangers to love. You know the rules, and so do I."_

Pidge opened one eye. "An important Earth ritual--"

A shock interrupted her thoughts. Pidge drew in another shaky breath, and then continued concentrating on the old meme.

Rick Astley dancing in front of a chain link fence. Blond back-up dancers. _"A full commitment's what I'm thinking of. You wouldn't get this from any other guy. I just gotta tell you how I'm feeling. Gotta make you understand--"_

A loud bang came from one of the walls. And then another. An explosion.

"There she is!" Keith's voice rang through. "What the--"

"Oh my God." Hunk dropped his cannon, still smoldering.

 _"Never gonna give you up._ _Never gonna let you down. Never gonna run around and desert you_."

Allura crackled with pink lightning. She smiled at Haggar. "Do you wish to fight again?" Haggar disappeared in a puff of smoke. "That's what I thought."

"Pidge!" Shiro raced to the table, hand aglow, only to be blocked by Zarkon.

_"Never gonna make you cry. Never going to say goodbye."_

Keith charged at Zarkon. Hunk picked up the cannon again, aiming it for Zarkon's chest. Lance fired a shot, hitting Zarkon's leg.

Lance huffed. "We'll cover you--go get Pidge!"

_"Never going to tell a lie and hurt you."_

Shiro's hands sliced through the restraints. "You okay, Katie?"

Pidge winced. "I got through the chorus. I'm amazing."

"She's fading. Coran, we'll need a healing pod ready."

//

Pidge fell from the pod with a cool mist.

Lance steadied her. "Did you...rickroll Zarkon?"

"She totally rickrolled Zarkon."

Pidge let out a chuckle. "I rickrolled Zarkon."

Keith, bewildered, gestured to Shiro.

"I have no idea what they're talking about."

"Paladins, what is 'rickrolling'?" Allura tilted her head.

"You...woah...little wobbly here...You two made so much fun of me for taking 'History of the Internet: Viral Culture', but the memes saved us all." Pidge grinned.

"Earth culture is confounding." Coran twirled his mustache.

Shiro relaxed. "You actually took that elective? Here, tell us all about historical memes over some goo."

"That sounds excellent. And, please, call me the spiciest memelord from now on."

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
